Vodka
by FlamingoChick
Summary: I could never resist her, even if I tried. Rated R for language, drug and alcohol use, and Palexslash. Chapter 12 up, R&R for more.
1. Traditons

"Fuck," she whispered half to herself and half to Paige as the lighter slipped from her fingertips. It skidded across the concrete for a few seconds before it reached a halt near Paige's feet. The blonde picked it up and lit her own cigarette before handing it back to Alex. "Thanks," she replied taking it from Paige's freezing cold hands.

This had become their after-work tradition. Alex always brought the booze, and Paige supplied the cigarettes. And although she never admit it, Paige felt able to confide in Alex in a way that she never had been able to with Hazel. She trusted her, and felt that the bond they had created was much stronger than her and Hazel's lip-gloss coated friendship. Then again, she was also slightly drunk as she philosophized over this.

Alex leaned back against the movie theater wall, gazing at the parking lot in front of them. "What a bitch..." she said aloud, to noone, really. Paige sat down next to her and intertwined her arm in Alex's.

"Who, Lex?" she asked, laying her head on her confidante's bony shoulder. Paige smelled Alex's hair. It smelt like a combination of hospital drugs and smoke.

"The bitch...the one with the...hair..awhile ago." Alex closed her eyes and leaned her head back onto the wall. It was clear that Alex had no idea what she was talking about. She raised her hand and took a long drag of her cigarette. "Tell me about your... guy. Your...teacher...guy..." She said drowsily. Alex had heard about him enough, but continued to ask. She liked to watch Paige's eyes and lips when she talked about him.

"He's the best sex I ever had," Paige replied. "The best....ever!" She screamed her last words loudly enough for it to echo through the empty parking lot. Laughing, she sat up to face Alex, anticipating her response.

"Because you've had so much sex, right?" Alex laughed to herself. "He must be pretty good. You keep ditching me for his amazing sex." She took another drag of the cigarette as Paige put her's out on the concrete.

"I don't _ditch_ you, Lex. You agreed as well as I did that we wouldn't... that anymore. Not until you're completely cured of your Jay-disease," she taunted, taking a swig of what little Vodka they had left. Paige leaned towards her, close enough to tease her. "You know, you are actually the one at blame here. If you had been spending more time with me instead of with your orally-fixated ex, you would have never caught the damn thing and we could be in theater 12 right now."

"I've told you more than enough that I **am** cured.," Alex retaliated putting her cigarette out.

Paige leaned back. "I...don't trust those medical tightasses," she concluded with a smile.

Alex pulled her back in. "No, I think you just like teasing me."

"Maybe..." Paige responded lightly. She stood up and began gathering her things.

"Where are you going?" Alex asked, staring up at her. Her body was silhouetted in the moonlight.

"Matt's," she replied simply. She finished gathering her things and began walking to her car.

"You're drunk." Alex stated. Paige shrugged and continued walking. Alex watched her figure get smaller and smaller as the distance between them grew. She sighed deeply as Paige drove away. Depressed, she reached for the last of the vodka. Her hand groped uselessly in the dark until she realized that Paige had took it.

"Stupid bitch..." Alex mumbled. It made her feel better to think that she could hate Paige even though she never could.


	2. I'm not OCD

Alex's POV: Walking Home.

I'm tearing my fingernails apart, just to smite you. _Don't pick at your nails, Al. Nail-picking is for the obsessive-compulsive. _Fuck off, Paige. And get the fuck out of my head. You don't know a goddamn thing about me. Fuck. That's a lie. You knows everything about me. That's why I'm blaming you for all of this. I hope I get raped, killed and thrown into a ditch tonight. Then you'll feel horrible about leaving me to walk alone in the dark. Yeah, right. Who the fuck am I kidding? You'll be too busy trying out new positions with your boyfriend to care. Goddamn hypocrite. One of the first conversations we had was you explaining to me why sex was an important and momentous occasion. I guess that was before you met _Mr. Oleander. _

Stupid slut. You were the one crying to me about your rape trial and your pig headed ex-boyfriend. That's when we first kissed. Was that time momentous and important to you? I guess not. Unless that wasn't sex. Am I just a way to fill your free time? You say we don't do things anymore because of what I caught. You goddamn know I'm cured, bitch. We both know the real reason is because you are too busy with your teacher. I hate you, you stupid attention whore. You are only keeping me held on because you can't live without knowing that someone wants you. I guess that's why I'm still holding on to you too. Hoping that you'll want me again. I'm kicking rocks now. Imagining that each one of them is a slice of your stupid boyfriend. I hope I hit a car. I hope I hit _your_ car.

I've got no where to go now. I can't go home because I'll die of boredom. Maybe I'll go sit in the corner of your garage. And then when you stumble out of the car at 3am in the morning and attempt to sneak back inside without your parents knowing, I'll knock over some trash cans and wake them up. I'd like to see try and see your boy-toy when you're grounded. Whatever. You'll probably sneak out for him. You would never sneak out of the house for me. Fuck that idea, then. I'm not giving you another excuse to prove to me that you love him more.

I guess I'll just head back to the ravine. I like it a lot more now that I know that Jay got what he deserved there. I still see Amy there from time to time. Still apple bobbing with every ounce of trailer trash she can find. I don't go there to give head though. I'm only going to shoot up and imagine that it's actually your skin that I'm stabbing with the needle. And I hope you cry when you see all the little red dots that will be lining my inner arm when we meet again. I'll let you know it was all your fault. If you hadn't left me for him, I would have never gone back there. This is the price of keeping me held on. I hope you realize that.


	3. Overtime Pays

"Smell," she said leaning in. Alex leaned towards her neck and sniffed. "Good, no? Just bought it. Overtime paid off!" Alex winced. Who was she to think that Paige worked overtime to see her? She smiled though; she always smiled. Paige laughed and turned to finish wiping down the counter. Alex nervously shifted her weight as she finished restocking boxes of candy. "Matt loves it. He says its like.. an aprhodisiac or something. Isn't that hilarious?"

Alex turned quickly. "I forgot the stuff," she said simply.

Paige faced her. "What stuff"

"Our stuff. The alcohol. I'm.. sorry," Alex turned her back to Paige nervously.

The blonde laughed. "Is that why you've said a total of like, what, three words this whole time?" Alex's eyes darted around as she tried to keep her mind on the candy she was stocking. "Don't worry about it," she said, lightly placing her arm on Alex's shoulder. "We'll go to your place." Alex shivered at Paige's touch. Why was she so scared of her?

"My parents...they're"

"Not home," Paige finished for her. "Hun, you can't lie to me. Your parents are never home." Paige turned and leaned against the glass counter that Alex stood in front of, being sure that her hip brushed Alex's in the process. Laughing nervously, Alex picked up the box of remaining candy and took it to a shelf a few feet from Paige. "Why are you resisting me?"

"I'm not. I'm sorry...I was just tired," Alex said, giving into Paige.

"Good, because... I can wake you up."

-

Alex threw her keys down on a side table as soon as she walked through her door. "Welcome to le chez moi."

"I've already had the grand tour," Paige said, closing the door behind her. "I'm more interested in you anyhow.." Paige lightly pushed Alex against the wall and kissed her. She bit down gently on Alex's lip, enticing a soft moan from her. Paige's hands wandered up Alex's chest and around her back, arching her forward into Paige. "Let's go upstairs.." Paige whispered, grabbing Alex's hand. Alex held her breath as the blonde led her into her own bedroom. This was what she wanted, right? Right?

-

So, should I add in the sex scene or not? Because I could skip it, or I could fill this with lots of fun graphics. Let me know.


	4. Deux

I exhausted her. I could tell. Her eyes always glazed over like marbles when she was tired. I sat up first, gathering my sticky hair into a bun while she protectively pulled a mismatched sheet over her gleaming body. "Don't do that…" I said to her. She smiled at me and closed her eyes. I pulled the sheet down and lightly lay beside her, half of my body covering hers. Playfully, I allowed my fingers to dance over her thin stomach, trailing up to her breasts and then down again. Slowly, I slid my entire hand up, cupping one of her breasts and brushing one hard peak with the pad of my thumb. As tired as she was, her body still shook as I did this, and her breath became shorter and more excited. I planted small kisses on her neck, sucking in the skin occasionally as she relaxed into me. I pulled my hand away from her breast and slid it down the middle of her stomach, biting on her neck as I did so. I slid my hand farther down, finally arriving upon the spot that I aimed for. I moved my mouth up to hers and plunged in, devouring every part of her I could; her lips, her tongue, her teeth, while my fingers danced into her wetness, still waiting for a signal that this was okay. I slid one finger into her as I bit down on her bottom lip. _Paige…_ I heard her moan. _That was my signal_, I thought as I lowered my mouth to her breasts.

_This is why she's a million times better than Matt, _I told myself, _she's always ready for another round._


	5. The Receiver

A/N – Thanks for all the positive feedback, guys! Keep the reviews coming! For those of you that wanted a more graphic sex scene, just hang tight. I'll get to it eventually.

-

Alex lay still on the bed. She was far too tired to do anything. Each of their encounters exhausted her a million times over. Paige, however, was the opposite. Still naked and full of energy, she rose from Alex's bed and walked to the door where she had thrown her bag. "I don't see how you get so tired over this. It's not like you're the one doing anything," She playfully commented, making her way back to the bed, bag in hand.

Alex smiled. "I thought you liked it that way," she croaked. Paige handed her a cigarette from her bag. Alex sat up and took the cigarette. Paige finished lighting her own and handed the lighter to Alex.

"I do. I just don't think it would kill you to be on the giving end for once," Paige teased, pulling out her cell phone.

Alex placed her cigarette on the ashtray beside her bed and turned back to Paige. "How's this for giving end?" She leaned into Paige and bit lightly, alternating between her earlobes and neck.

"I'm not in the mood for…" she started. "Fuck…" she whispered, still fidgeting with her cell phone. She took a long drag of the cigarette.

Alex pulled back. "Not exactly the reaction I was looking for, but it'll do." Alex stated, leaning back in.

Paige pulled away and stood up, leaving her cell phone on the bed. "No, no, no… Matt's called four times. Dammit! Fuck!" She put her cigarette out in the ashtray and rushed around the room, picking up each article of clothing she had shed in the last few hours.

Following the trend, Alex leaned forward and picked up a baggy t-shirt from the floor. She put it on, leaned against the wall and reclaimed her cigarette. Sighing, she watched Paige put on the brown movie theater shirt. Alex took several short puffs and dug her nails into her fists. After Paige had fully dressed, she made her way over to a mirror on Alex's wall. She touched her hair a few times, smoothing out any imperfections. "Where's my cell phone?" she demanded. Alex looked at her and rolled her eyes. "Alex, dammit. Where is it?"

"Right where you left it, Paige!" she yelled. She picked up the phone and flung it at Paige. It fell to the floor a few feet from where she stood. Angry, Paige picked it up.

"Why are you acting like this? He's my boyfriend, Alex! Stop acting like a possessive bitch!"

Alex drew in several deep breaths. She opened her mouth to speak a few times but nothing came out. Instead, she took another drag of the cigarette and looked up at Paige. "Just go. Okay?" she said, calmly. Paige made a short huff and grabbed her bag from the bed. She stormed out of the room, leaving the door open behind her as Alex bit her bottom lip. Alex listened for a few seconds until she heard her front door open and slam shut. She looked between the cigarette in her hand and the small red dots in her inner elbow. _She didn't even notice_… Alex thought to herself. She sat up in the bed and walked to the window where she saw Paige's car pulling out of her driveway. Exasperated, she turned away from the window and sat underneath it. Because it seemed like a good idea, she slammed the red-hot end of the cigarette into her opposite arm. She gasped deeply at the burning sensation before pulling the stub away. Breathing heavy and fast, she looked at the 12 imperfections that lined her thin arm; 11 small ones and 1 gaping burn. She didn't mean to yell at Paige… she hadn't meant to make her mad.

_But I hadn't meant to let her walk away either…_


	6. Baseline

"You sure know how to throw a party!"

"What?" I screamed over the music.

"I said you know how to throw a party!"

"Okay!" I yelled back. I still wasn't quite sure what he had said, but I agreed anyway. I don't remember how it happened, but somehow in the hours after Paige had left, I'd managed to invite a good fifty or so people into my house, only a few of which I knew. In the few minutes I pondered this, Ellie appeared by my side.

"They're going through your medicine cabinet. Are you sure this is okay?" she screamed. God, it was hard to hear people through this music.

"Sure. Why not? It's fun, right?" I said back. I was trashed as shit. I didn't really care about my medicine cabinet or who was going through it.

Ellie pulled me slightly away from the guy I was dancing with. "Alex, where are your parents?"

"Uh...my mom works nights. Never home." All this thinking was making my brain hurt. "Hey, would you lighten up? It's a party!" I cracked up laughing. "Here, have some!" I thrust a bottle of something at her.

She took the bottle and handed it to the guy near us, still drunkenly moving to the music. I don't think he was aware that I wasn't dancing with him anymore. "Al, maybe we should start sending people home."

"Ooh...why Ellie? Do you want to get me all alone? I'm a hella good kisser!" I grabbed Ellie and pulled her towards me, thrusting my lips onto hers. We stayed that way for a good three seconds until she pulled away, eyes wide with surprise.

"Fuck yes! Lesbian action!" the guy announced to the room.

"What the fuck was that!" Ellie demanded. I ignored her.

"You think that was hot?" I asked the guy. I moved towards him and grabbed the crotch of his jeans. "I can show you hot."

"Alex, come on! You're embarrassing yourself! You're embarrassing me too!" Ellie whined, grabbing my arm.

"Sorry, El. I'm his now," I replied. "Go... do Sean or something. Oh, wait... you can't..." I started laughing again. Ellie stared at me. She dropped my arm and backed away from me. I saw her grab something on the way out and slam the door. "Her boyfriend. Walked out on her. Isn't that funny?" I explained to the guy. I grabbed his hand and led him up the stairs to my bedroom. I threw him onto the bed and followed him down. His lips met mine as he wrapped his arms around my back. I broke our kiss momentarily and sat up on top of him, still straddling his middle, and pulled my shirt off. He rose to join me and began kissing my neck and chest. His lips felt ice cold upon my chest as his hands fumbled behind me with my bra clasp. I waited for a few seconds until I felt the release of the hook and raised my arms as he pulled my bra over my head. Doing the same to his shirt, I noticed he had a tattoo on his chest. I tried to make out what it said, but he had already flipped me over and laid his body on top of mine. Kissing my neck, he took one of my hands into his and placed them both on the waistband of his pants. He let go of my hand and I skillfully unbuttoned and unzipped the pants using only one hand.

"Wait..." I whispered. I pushed him off of me and got up. As I rummaged through a dresser drawer, I could see him struggling to get his pants off in the mirror. Finally, I found what I was looking for and turned back to him. He was stretched out on the bed, completely naked except for his socks. _Socks_, I thought. _Hmm_. I threw him the package as I proceeded to take my own pants off. Much more gracefully than him, I got them off and reached for the elastic on my underwear. It was then that I realized that I hadn't bothered to put any on after Paige had left. I shrugged it off and re-straddled him on the bed. He pushed into me as his hands reached up to my chest, groping and pinching. The next few minutes were silent, besides a few occasional moans. I rocked back and forward as I had done many times before, and closed my eyes to avoid looking at his face. This was nothing special. A few gasps of air escaped him and made me want to hit him. Instead, I concentrated on keeping beat with the baseline of the music pounding downstairs. Towards the end, he screamed out a few clichés, the worst being, "Say my name, baby! Say it!" It was at that moment that I realized I didn't know it. I ignored the comment and continued rocking. Moments later, he finished and I rolled off of him. Immediately, I grabbed for my pants and pulled them back on. I was much more sober now than I was when I began this.

As I put my shirt on, I heard him mumble, "So, how was I, baby?"

"Nice socks," I said. It was all I could manage to say.


	7. No one's to Blame but Myself

A/N: Ack. I am so, so, so, so incredibly sorry. I got wrapped up with my school's musical, biology projects and spring break that I completely neglected this story. But no fears, I'm back now and I hope I didn't disappoint anyone too much. I hope that this update won't disappoint anyone either.

After sleeping off her hangover all Sunday, Alex arrived on time to school the following Monday. Sitting at her desk in homeroom, she sighed to herself, ripping apart her cuticles and concentrating on the morning announcements. Looking to her left, she saw that Paige wasn't there. Looking a few seats behind her, she saw that Ellie was. Somewhere over the last day, she had recalled the horrible things she had said to Ellie. _God, I'm a shithead_, she thought. Swallowing her pride and fear, she rose from her seat and sat in front of the redhead who was concentrating very deeply on the calculus in front of her. "Ellie," she started. Ellie took her eyes off the math momentarily and looked up at Alex, waiting for her to say something more.

"Hi," she neurotically rambled, "I... am so sorry for what happened Saturday. I was completely out of line and I know the last thing you needed to deal with was another drunk in your life..." Alex paused. She didn't know if that was at all appropriate to say. Ellie didn't move, and Alex took that as a good sign. "...And what I said... what I said was just...God. It was completely horrible. I should have been... thanking you for trying to look out for me! And God. I feel just so incredibly stupid because... Well, I think you know why I feel stupid. Because everything was just... stupid. And I'm sorry."

Ellie looked Alex in the eyes for a few moments. "Okay," she said lightly. "I get that... and I accept your apology." Alex sighed in relief and leaned back in her chair, relaxing for the first time in several minutes.

"Hey, Alex," a male voice from behind her said. Alex turned to see a guy standing above her. "You and the girlfriend planning a little trip to the boiler room 3rd period? Because you know, I'm always up for a little 'ménage a trois' if you'd like me to join." He bit his bottom lip suggestively and proceeded to take his seat a few seats behind and to the left of Ellie's. Alex stared at him, mouth wide open. Ellie stared down at her math and didn't say anything.

"What!" Alex half-whispered to herself rather than to the guy_. How the fuck did he find out about Paige?_

"Great. Lesbian rumors. Just what I needed," Ellie commented, keeping her eyes on the paper in front of her.

Alex considered what Ellie had just said. "Wait… what?"

"I know you probably think it would be best to pretend like that didn't happen, because I would want to do that too… if everyone didn't already know… but I mean… everyone was there. It's not like you can deny it," the redhead said simply, eyes still attached to the paper.

Alex's brain scrambled. _What was Ellie talking about?_ _Fuckfuckfuck… Socks… Tattoo… Socks… Goddammit… 'They're going through your medicine cabinet!' … Socks… '…Hella good kisser!' … Baseline, baseline… Socks … 'Fuck yes! Lesbian action!' …**Fuck.**_

Alex's eyes darted around the room as what had happened came back to her. "I have to go," she said, rising. She grabbed her bag left in her chair and stormed out of the classroom. She rushed into the hallway, her eyes flickering open and then closed again as her mind flooded with thoughts. She was just heading out the main doors and down the steps when she slammed into something.

"Excuse me. It would do you well to watch where you're going," the something stated, putting down it's cell phone and turning. Paige looked at Alex collapsed on the steps. "Of course, I wouldn't expect that much from you," she said, realigning her phone to her ear. "I'll have to call you back," the blonde said to whoever was on the other line. With a click, she shut the phone and put it in a small handbag she held. Paige's eyes seemed at a loss for emotion. They were heavy and tired, and ambiguously darted all around looking for something to say.

Alex stood up. "Sorry for disturbing you," she said, adjusting her bag. The two heard the first period bell ring dimly from the inside of the school. "You'd better go."

"I'm always late. Fashionably, of course." Again, Alex noted her eyes. Her usually bright eyes seemed old and tired. They hung as if they were only moments away from sleep. Her voice sounded tired too. Brushing this off, Alex pushed past her and continued on her way off the school grounds. "Matt!" Paige called after her, desperately.

Alex turned on her heel and stared at Paige, now a good 10 feet away from her. "Excuse me?"

"Matt and I aren't," she said, building up. "We just aren't anymore." Paige finished her statement with a sigh, pulling on the fabric of her shirt. "I'm too… whatever. And so is he. Yeah…" she said with finalization.

"Doesn't change the fact that you hate me," Alex said in her sarcastic tone.

"I don't hate you. I couldn't hate you. Ever." Paige started walking towards her. "And I'm sorry that you think I could… and have."

"I don't," she said as Paige reached her. "Well… I did… but I hoped you didn't. And you don't. And that's what I hoped," she rambled. Paige grabbed one of Alex's hands lightly.

"We'll be in huge trouble for being late without an excuse…" the blonde commented, looking up at the school. She kept a light grip on Alex's hand, brushing her thumb over Alex's smooth skin.

"You can't be late if you never arrive," Alex replied, returning Paige's grasp on her hand. Paige smiled and intertwined her fingers with her accomplice's. Silently, they made their way to Paige's car together. The two agreed on Paige's house, seeing as how both her parents would be working. As Paige put the car into gear, Alex had forgotten exactly why she had been so anxious to get out of school in the first place. It was a mistake, of course, one that would later come back to haunt her… but not a mistake that she cared about just right now.


	8. L'historie de Paige

A/N: I don't know anything about cars, whatsoever. Just keep that in mind.

If I were ever to write a novel about my life… I think I would make today the second chapter. Not the first… because I have to let the reader know all about me in that one. But, the second chapter would need to be something exciting, hot, but still in the every-day, ordinariness of Paige. I'd make this the second chapter… because it would require way too much back-story for anyone who didn't know me to understand. The reader would have to know just exactly why it was so important that nothing bad happen to my car. To know that, I suppose they'd have to know a lot about me, and I'm sure I could waste an entire chapter talking about myself. Definitely.

After getting my license back in April, I've made it a personal …thing to actually keep my hands on the ten and two o'clock positions on the wheel. I sit up straight in the car too now. I even took down my fuzzy dice so I wouldn't be distracted, realizing, of course, that if I mess up again, I won't be able to drive until I'm fifty, as quoted by my parents. I'm not sure…but I'm pretty sure that skipping school to have sex with my currently cigarette-smoking girlfriend constitutes as messing up. That being said, if my mom sees me driving while I should be dutifully taking notes in English, I'm dead. To avoid the chances of that happening, I took the back roads to my house. Alex sat in the passenger seat, knees pulled up to her chest, smoking a cigarette and mumbling some rap song on the radio. Her hair was up today. A few stray strands decorated her temples as huge hoop earrings framed her face. Realizing what I was doing, I stopped looking at her and kept my eyes on the road.

"Do you want to talk about it or anything?" she said at one point. It, of course, was Matt and I. Did I? God. I didn't know at that point.

"I guess not. It just kind of happened. He stopped caring and so did I. Not much to say about it," I replied, making a right turn. We were behind some woods now. All I could see was a long road with a few curves every few yards… and a dead bug on the windshield. Ew, I said silently to myself. I pushed the button for wiper fluid and watched as a Windex-like product filled my vision.

"Paige!" Alex cried as the fluid blew back onto her and her cigarette. She flicked the smoke out the window and pulled her arm in.

"Alex! I'm so sorry! Here… there's a… thing here somewhere…" I said rummaging around for something that Alex could wipe her arm on. After a moment without success, I put my attention back on the road as she continued to search.

"Here we go…" she said as she produced a blue and red blanket from the floor behind me. I tried not to watch as she wiped her arm on the blanket that Matt and I had made love on three nights before. I gripped the steering wheel tighter and flicked my turn signal on as I switched lanes. I don't really know why I did that… There wasn't anything wrong with the lane I was in… nor were there any cars around. I dismissed my thoughts and tried to concentrate on whatever was playing on the radio… anything to keep my mind off of Matt. It wasn't hard to find something, though, once the engine started sputtering. "What the hell?" I heard Alex say as smoke erupted from the engine. Instinctively, I pulled into the side lane and shut off the car.

We both got out of the car at the same time, but it was Alex who reached the front of the car first. As the smoke cleared, she lifted the hood and began fiddling with the engine… or something of that like. All I know about cars is that if you put gas in them, they'll run. Alex, however, hadn't spent almost two years dating Jay for nothing. In a matter of moments, she was able to tell me exactly what was wrong with the car in some sort of language that I couldn't possibly understand. "English, please," I playfully demanded.

"We just need to let it cool off for a few hours, and it'll run again. It'll need some new parts to be completely fixed, but it'll at least go," she responded shutting the hood.

"Fuck. How am I supposed to explain to my mom that I need new car parts?"

"Paige… it could happen to anyone. It's not like you did anything wrong. The car just needs to cool down. It just over-worked itself. That's all."

"And how exactly am I supposed to tell her when this happened? 'Oh, yeah, Mom. While I was skipping school today and taking the back road home, my car died! But don't worry! My girlfriend, Alex, was able to tell me that we need to buy new parts for it. Hope this isn't a problem!'"

Alex stared at me for a few seconds. "Did you just call me your girlfriend?"

Had I? Wow. "…Is that a problem?" I asked timidly. Did I mean to say that? What was I trying to say?  
"No," Alex replied. "I just… I mean, what does 'girlfriend' mean to you?"

"I guess… it means… someone that I care about. A girl, of course. A girl that I want to… date?" I half-said, half-questioned.

"Exclusively, I assume," she said slowly. She was testing me.

"Yes," I said assuredly. "Exclusively."

The next moments were memorable. Something I'd like to write in my novel, but I fear I wouldn't be able to remember all the details. My mind zoned out; she was all I could concentrate on. She rushed forward, her lips meeting mine. She always used to kiss me with one hand on my head, as if holding me; hoping I wouldn't go anywhere. Today she held me with both, assured that I wasn't going to go anywhere. Our kisses were soft at first, more intimate than passionate. It wasn't until she slipped her tongue in that I got the feeling she always gives me. Upon realizing that we were both still standing on a side lane of a half-abandoned road, we took our make-out session to the backseat of my car, only breaking our connection once to get inside. Once we had readjusted and made ourselves comfortable, our lips met again, this time more aroused and excitedly. Her tongue dove into my mouth and her hand shot up my shirt. I wasn't used to her being this aggressive. I can't say I minded… but it _was_ a change.

Moments later, my shirt was off and Alex was tortuously biting my neck; alternating between sucking and nibbling. My bra went next, and Alex wasted no time in taking one of my nipples into her mouth. I moaned as she flicked her tongue over the small bullet. She came back up to kiss me once more as her hands fumbled to my jeans. Somehow, she managed to take them off with only one hand, the other still caressing my chest. Momentarily, I wondered where she had learned such a skill but was soon incapable of coherent thought as she slipped a finger beneath my underwear. "Oh, God…" I moaned as she worked her finger into me. She bit my lip lightly as her slender finger worked circles around my clit. I felt my eyes roll back into my head, and my eyelashes flicker rapidly; a look that must have _wonderful_ to see. Her lips parted from mine as she adjusted herself on the floor of my car. I knew where she was going, and suddenly felt very childish in her presence. She'd never done this to me before… it was always done conversely. Her fingers made two loops around either side of my underwear and pulled them down in one swift movement. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes as I felt her mouth lower to me. The next thing I saw upon opening them was her dark hair draped around my thighs. Although I couldn't see what her tongue was doing, I could feel every precise movement she made in me. She drew it up in one long sweep, and proceeded to make circles around the place where I craved her most. She parted from that place, however, and moved to my thighs instead where she nibbled and sucked on the skin. I let out a small grunt at her torture, and she wasted no time in moving to the other thigh to agonize me more.

After what seemed like hours later, she returned to the place between my thighs. I felt a pressure as she pushed a finger into me as she kept her tongue on my clit. As she moved her finger in and out, I found myself at a loss for many things; breath, words, something to do with my hands. I grasped the seat, digging my nails into the carpet of it, all the while making small responsive moans of pleasure. She kept me on the edge for a while; changing her pattern every time I got close. Up and down, circles, long lines, in and out… until finally I erupted, biting my bottom lip to keep from screaming. She kept pumping slowly until I was completely done and began trying to regain my breath. She pulled herself up next to me, still fully clothed. It was quite a contrast. I, naked and glistening with blonde hair glued to my face from sweat, and she with her huge hoops and clothes sized too big for her. She leaned forward and retrieved a red and blue blanket from the front seat. As I caught my breath, she wiped her mouth on it and threw it back. That's all it was at that moment; a red and blue blanket.

I began redressing myself as Alex fixed her hair. I'd only just gotten my pants and bra on when she kissed me again.

"You really mean exclusive? Like… dating no one but me?" she asked after she had pulled away.

I smiled, brushing a piece of hair from my forehead. "Yeah… I'd like that."

Alex made what looked like a half smile. "I'd like that too… but do we have to let everyone know… just yet?" she asked me, a look of worry in her eyes.

"Not if you don't want to. You don't want someone else to find out about me?" I teased. Alex made the half smile again.

"Of course not," she said simply. I finished dressing and began making my hair look less like a train wreck. I would end chapter two at that exact moment and would hope that my readers would continue with the story. Why wouldn't they, though? They'd gotten this far already. About as far as I had gotten. They might have known something more than me though. Or maybe they were just more perceptive at these things. Because ending chapter two at that exact moment… it might have made the story more interesting later.


	9. Stranded

"You really mean exclusive? Like... dating no one but me?" Alex asked after she pulled out of their kiss.

Paige smiled and brushed a piece of hair from her forehead. "Yeah... I'd like that."

Alex didn't know whether to smile or not. Her natural instinct was to do both, resulting in a sideways slant of her mouth. "I'd like that too... but do we have to let everyone know... just yet?" she asked, her eyes bright with worry.

"Not if you don't want to. You don't want someone to find out about me? Paige teased. Alex's damned natural instinct told her to make the sideways slant again.

_Only everyone who thinks I'm already dating Ellie… _she thought to herself. "Of course not," she said simply. She did hate lying to Paige, but felt it was better to try and fix her mistake before she went public with it. And… Paige wouldn't be mad. Would she? It's not like they were together when she kissed Ellie. And she was drunk on top of it. Ellie got it… Paige would too, right?

After Paige finished dressing, the two sat in the front seats and tried to come up with a story to tell Paige's mom. Eventually, the two decided to wait until the car was ready to be driven again, go to the movie theatre for work and call Mrs. Michalchuck if the car stalled out again. However, it was now around 10:30am and the car still wasn't running.

"Who'd you lose your virginity to?" Paige asked, her head resting on the tinted window.

"Who do you think?" Alex replied, tearing at a nail. Paige suddenly wished she hadn't brought it up. She didn't know why she had expected Alex's first time to be with someone that really loved her. Something romantic and straight out of a storybook. Nothing about Alex was out of a storybook. "I don't regret it though… if that's what you think," the brunette quickly. "Just because the asshole screwed me over, no pun intended, doesn't mean I regret it," she finished, almost defensively.

Paige nodded even though she didn't believe it. "Is he the only guy you've been with?"

"What's with all the questions?" Alex said, snapping at her. Paige took her head off the window and looked at Alex.

"If you haven't noticed, we've been stuck on an abandoned road for the past two hours. I just thought we could get to know each other a little better," Paige snapped back. Despite her sarcasm, the blonde reached across the car and took Alex's hand in hers.

Alex smiled as she felt Paige's skin. "Three guys. Jay, of course, was the first. Then this guy named David. He was a friend of Jay's… from some gang or something. Anyway, Jay and I were in Etobicoke for a house party. We got into a fight or something, and broke up. And to be an ass, he left me at the house without a ride home. So… I screwed his friend," she concluded.

Paige wasn't sure whether to smile or not. "Did Jay ever find out?"

Alex shook her head. "No. A few days later he called me apologizing. And I took him back. Don't know why I did it… but I did. I didn't bother telling him what had happened either. Just would have made him mad… What about you?"

"Just Matt… and Dean. But I don't count that. I try not to anyway," Paige said sadly as she pulled a knee to her chest. "I mean… technically, he's the guy that I … lost my virginity to and whatever… but I don't like to think of me having sex with him. **He** had sex with **me**…"

Alex didn't know what to say. "Yeah…" she said quietly. It seemed appropriate enough.

"And Matt just… I don't know. It was like at first he wanted to be with me… but then after I… **we** did it… It's like he stopped caring about being with me, and every time I came over, it was just what we did. It hasn't bothered me until now…after we broke up. I guess it's just in my nature to feel used…" she said, her eyes gazing past the windshield. After a few seconds, she blinked, as if snapping back into reality. "You…um, you had said 3 guys before. Who else were you with?"

Alex dreaded this one. "Just… some guy," she said, as if it were no big deal. "It was so stupid… and random. I… I don't even know his name. Never caught it."

"You never caught his name?" Paige asked, now fully back to reality.

"Don't act like it's some big thing… because it isn't. I was upset and drunk and whatever. It doesn't matter," Alex said quickly. _So defensive…_ Paige thought.

"Am I the only girl you've ever been with?" Paige innocently asked.

_How the fuck does she manage to hit every question that I don't want her to know about? Is she fucking reading my mind! _Alex thought, half expecting to hear Paige say that she was. "Yeah," she said aloud. It wasn't like she had 'been with' Ellie. She'd kissed her. That was it. _And it was hardly a kiss at all. _Alex concluded in thought.

Paige smiled. "You too," she said, squeezing the brunette's hand. She hadn't ever been anyone's first, and it was nice to think that she was Alex's first with a girl, even if it wasn't that big of deal. Paige wanted to know everything about Alex at that moment, and spent the next twenty minutes asking every question she could think of. Alex sighed and answered each one. And to think that she had almost forgotten how chatty Paige could be.

"I don't know!" Alex said, laughing.

"Yes, you do! You have to know!" Paige replied laughing back at her.

"Goddammit. Fine. I would bring… a CD player, my favorite CD and… a speedboat." Paige huffed at her. "Fine, fine, fine… and an air mattress."

"Well, eventually the batteries would run out of the CD player and that wouldn't be any good. And then with your luck, a coconut would hit your air mattress and pop it."

"First, you demand that I answer your hypothetical desert island question, and then you insult my choices?"

Paige laughed. "I'm not insulting them! I'm simply telling you why they would not be good choices if you ever wind up on a desert island."

"Paige, I think that if I ever do wind up on a desert island, my choices really won't matter that much."

The blonde playfully sighed, fidgeting with her key chain between her fingers. "Hence it being _hypothetical._"

"Okay, well what would you bring since you seem to know all?"

"Easy. A water filter, suntan lotion… and a vibrator!"

Alex burst out laughing. "A vibrator! Yeah? Well, with your luck, it would run out of batteries and you'd have to use a coconut instead," she said, mocking Paige.

Paige's mouth dropped as she playfully hit Alex in the arm. The two continued laughing for a good two minutes before Paige managed to calm herself down. "I'd plug it in to an electric eel," she joked, holding back laughter. Alex was in hysterics again; her laughs ranging from big heaps of air, to silent shaking.

Paige giggled slightly when Alex's body shook. "Breathe, hun!" she joked. In a matter of moments, Alex had breathed herself back to normal and Paige had wasted no time in moving on to the next question. "Have you ever done drugs?" she said sharply.

"What?" Alex asked. Her laughing fit had stopped and the question had shocked her.

"It's the next question. Have you ever done drugs?"

"How did your mind possibly jump from electric eels to drugs?"

"The way you were laughing… it just reminded me of how Matt would act when him and his friends smoked pot. That's all."

"Mr. O smokes pot?" Alex questioned in amusement.

"Half of the reason for our breakup. I hate drugs," Paige said. She sat expressionless in her seat with her knee folded like a little girl's would be.

"Half the world does them. Why hate them?"

"For that reason. We spend our lives being enough of a statistic… why be another?"

"Says the girl who smokes at least one cigarette a day," Alex said.

Paige sat up straight. "Says the girl who got me to try my first one," Paige snapped at her. "Besides, I'm trying to quit. Why don't you think I took one when you offered it earlier?"

"I didn't take notice," Alex replied.

"I guess my real problem with drugs is that… when people use them… they lose control over their bodies and do stupid things… or do stupid things to people. And I never want to let anything or anyone besides me control my body again. That's why I've never gotten fully drunk. I may look out of it… but I can drive and think for myself. No one can take advantage of me." Alex nodded slowly without saying anything. "And I don't like it when people do them… because it's just… I don't know… scary. When other people don't have control over themselves… they do stupid things to people that don't deserve them."

Alex couldn't say anything. _Have I ever done drugs? God. Fuck._ "Yeah…" she said eventually. _More lies…_ she thought. "Drugs are pretty stupid," she commented, not necessarily lying; she _did_ think that drugs were stupid and she thought that _she_ was stupid for doing them.

"God. I love this," she said, closing her eyes and tilting her head back.

"What?"

"Us. We. You and Me. I've never been with someone that I could be so honest with… you know?"

_Lies, lies, more lies. Fuuuuck. _"Yeah…" Alex said. Perhaps it was all she could say when she lied. Some might consider it a curse, but Alex considered it a blessing; she might have said something pretty stupid otherwise.


	10. Unfaithful

When I think about Paige and me… I think about how it just… fits. How it all came together. How it almost didn't. When I think of us… I think of like, beads or something. Paige is one of those pretty, see-through, glittery ones with a slight hint of purple and tiny ridges on either side. And then I'm like, one of those squared black ones; nothing special. But despite my… un-special ness, we collided. It wasn't really our choice or anything, but somewhere between racing down that string at the speed of light and resting nicely at the bottom of it, we came together. There wasn't a big flash of light or a chorus of heavenly angels or anything… but you could tell that it happened. Because even though I was just a black squared bead, she somehow made me better. After we collided, I became more than what I was. I was an accent, a splash of something different. I became a pretty bead too. And I looked fabulous. I was on top of the world. Living easy, couldn't be happier and flying high. So, why do I keep coming back to the same place? To the same rut of other squared beads? I was flying high, sure. But it wasn't Paige that was getting me off this time.

We had time to kill after the car started again; about two hours until school ended and three until work began. Paige took us to a coffeehouse off of Ellesmere, her treat, where she forced me to try some weird Asian tea with 'just a tiny splash of nutmeg, k?' I saw the way the waiter looked at her when she said that. Impressed, excited… flirtatious. _You can look all you want, Phil… _I said, reading his nametag. _But she looks at **me** like that. _Our special day ended when work began. It became just another day of sticky counters, fogged-up popcorn machine windows and the same people as always; small children, stoners, grandparents. We both got off around ten, and Paige didn't hesitate in giving me a ride home. But after a short kiss goodbye and a hand squeeze, she was gone. She was almost like a Christmas carol… you could never forget the way she was. You might not hear her for another year, but she could remain your head for all of it, slowly being hummed under your breath as you do your English homework. _Fa la la la la, la la la la. _Still, her repeated play in my head disturbed me. Maybe that's why I left the house around midnight to go the ravine.

There weren't many people I knew there, but enough to make me feel at home. It felt like my first time sitting on those picnic tables; not really knowing anyone, not really knowing why I was there. I was probably just stubborn. My mother once told me that I should have been born four days earlier; then I would have been an Aquarius.

"You're too stubborn to be a Pieces," she said, as she helped me clean a puddle of orange juice from the floor. "You're lucky your father isn't home. You know good and well that he told you not to touch that juice. You do things just because people tell you not to," she said harshly, even though she was smiling. I knew she wasn't mad; we stuck together, her and I. I was only seven, but I was thankful for her. Her, and the way she tried to act like I didn't know what was going on. "Daddy just got a little too playful," she'd say when I saw her pressing ice against a black eye. "Go back to bed, Lexie." Yeah, I was thankful then. I thought she was something amazing, something magical. She read oversized tarot cards like they were the morning paper. She didn't need to watch the news; it was all in the cards. My dad hated her for it.

"Goddammit, all I fucking asked is that this stupid shit get cleaned up!" he yelled as he kicked her box of tarot cards off the coffee table. "You spend all fucking day reading the future and don't even care if we've got a dinner tonight or electricity tomorrow. What do your cards say about that, Annie? Tell me the future, Annie!" he screamed, mocking her. _She does care!'_ I wanted to scream. _'Why else would she take two jobs while you whore off with the neighbor's babysitter! _And I was right, my mother did care about those things; she just would have rather paid attention to a future farther off. I saw the way she read those cards; desperation in her eyes, hoping for something more. She read the future because she hated the present. I guess the cards weren't faithful to her though, because she never saw the divorce coming. She cried when he told her; she was down on her knees begging.

"Harry, I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, Harry, please don't do this!" she pleaded, her dark hair clinging to her wet face. He did leave though. He left taking all of our savings and breaking a window on his way out. She cried for weeks, although I never understood why. Why cry after someone that treated you horribly?

A few months after my father left, my mother made a few changes. She packed up her tarot cards and got a new job. Suddenly, she wasn't waiting for me when I came home from school. Instead, she was sleeping on the couch while a muted talk show played on the television. At night, she dressed herself in halter-tops and eyeliner to go to work. Maybe I really should have been an Aquarius… I hated this change. "Where do you work, mom?" my nine-year-old self asked.

"We've got to take care of ourselves, Alex. Don't let anyone do it for you. Don't ever mess yourself up," she responded vaguely, zipping a boot. After she left, I rummaged through her drawers and pockets looking for something, anything. I didn't find much, only a matchbook with the words _'Baby Dolls: 1165 Renald Ave.'_ in bright pink. It was enough to answer my questions though. Not too long after I found the matchbook, my mom started bringing guys home. Andy, Ray, George, Bill…

"What's for dinner?" I'd ask her as she sat on the couch, smoking a joint with Cody.

"Make something yourself," she would mutter as the man twice her age planted kisses on her neck.

I'd like to think that I'm not like her; that I won't end up working at a strip club with a different guy every night. I guess that's why Jay hurt me so badly. I like to pretend like he didn't, of course, but I know that he did. _Look, Mom! I'm not like you! I have a relationship that works! I have someone who **loves** me,_ I would silently scream at her. 'I told you so!' she silently screamed back when she heard the news. No, I wasn't thankful for her anymore. Only for what she told me, "Don't ever mess yourself up." Maybe she was right; I do things just because people tell me not to. Paige said that drugs were bad; don't do them, and that's why I'm here, messing myself up. I'm messing me up, I'm messing Paige and me up, and I'm messing the beautiful beaded necklace that we just made up.

I flicked the last of the joint into the garbage can and rose from the table. Marijuana wasn't usually my drug of choice, but I was always rather good at working with what was given to me. I slipped the dealer a five and a nod of acknowledgement as I proceeded to make my way out of the ravine.

"My name's Bere," he called after me as I walked away. "Just ask around if you need me." I won't ask around, Bere. I'll find you myself if I need you. I gave him another nod and turned away again; silently walking past all the things I'd grown accustomed to. In the dark, I hummed the same haunting tune under my breath.

_ Fa la la la la, la la la la._

I wondered if my mom's tarot cards could have predicted this. I wondered if they all saw this coming as they sat in their cardboard box collecting dust. As I walked, I thought about burning each one of them for not warning me that I'd end up like this, but then I realized it wouldn't have mattered. I wouldn't have listened to them anyway.

_Fa la la la la, la la la la._


	11. Veering

Some easy stuff for you.** Song: **Papa Don't Preach. **Blackhawks: **Chicago NHL Team.  
Simple, no? This chapter takes place on Saturday of the same week.

"But I've made up my mind! I'm gonna keep my baby!" Paige scream-sung over the stereo, microphone-brush in hand. "He says that he's going to marry me, we can raise a little family," she continued singing until she heard a knock on the door.

"Note to little sister, just because you like Madonna, does, under no circumstances, mean that you should sing like her. Ever." Dylan teased, poking his head in.

"Dylie-poo!" Paige exclaimed. The blonde bounded off the bed and ran to hug her older brother. "You're home sooner than I thought!"

"Clearly," he said, referencing her karaoke performance. Paige laughed and flipped off the stereo.

"How was Chicago?" she asked. Dylan pulled a big sweatshirt out of a bag from behind his back and handed it to her. Paige squealed and gave him another hug.

"The Blackhawks were amazing. So was the dude selection. You should come sometime," he said, winking.

Paige took a deep breath. "Actually, Dyl… I'm glad you stopped by. I think that… Here, sit down." Paige pulled out a pink computer chair out from under her desk and motioned for him to sit. "You remember when we talked about like, how people were gay and stuff?" Paige paused, waiting.

Realizing that she was waiting for him to say something, Dylan spoke. "Oh. Uh, yeah. I guess."

"Okay well. You said that some people think that it's genetic, right?"

"Yes…" Dylan said, desperate to get her to finish her thought.

"Well, I… um, I think that might be true," she concluded, hoping she wasn't being too vague.

Dylan understood immediately. "Paige, you've had a tough year. With the trial, and Spin, and Marco told me what happened with Matt…" Paige let out a breath and looked to the floor. "I mean, your head is probably so clouded right now and you--"

"No. I'm not… I'm not clouded or anything. I think this is really who I am. For the first time, I feel like I'm being me." Paige sat on the edge of her bed and looked at Dylan. "No one is telling me how to be me, or what I have to do… It's just me."

Her older brother smiled. "I'm always here to talk. You know that." Paige nodded and got up to give him a hug. "Just please, no more Madonna," he teased. Paige playfully swatted at him but was still thankful that she had her older brother there for her.

* * *

"Marc— You can go without me!" she said into the phone about four hours after Dylan had left. "People aren't going to think that! There's nothing wrong with going to a party alone!" Paige paused as she said this. Was there? Just a few months ago, she would have shot Marco for even _thinking_ of going to a party alone and now; here she was, encouraging it. Paige dismissed the thought and heaved a long sigh just to be sure Marco could hear it. "Fine. Be here around 9. Bye." Paige sighed again as she hung up the phone and flopped onto her floral couch. "So much for seeing Alex tonight…" she whined aloud to no on in particular.

"Who's Alex?" a voice from behind her asked. Her mother walked around the couch with two huge laundry baskets in her arms.

"What?" Paige asked as her mother handed her one.

"Alex. Who's Alex? I'll fold, you set," she replied as she began folding a large workout t-shirt.

"Oh. Just a guy," Paige said, casually as she carefully took the shirt from her mom and placed it in the bottom of the empty basket. "Um… he was supposed to come over to Marco's tonight with the …study group but he, uh, he had to cancel. Bummer."

"Mmm," Her mom said, eyebrows raised, as she pulled a pair of Mr. Michalchuck's briefs from the basket. After folding them into a tight stack, she handed the briefs to Paige who just stared at them.

"Wow. As much as I'd really love to, I really should get ready for that study group," she said as she stood from the couch. Paige's mother sighed and tossed the briefs into the basket herself before jutting her cheek out to Paige. Paige huffed, but bent down anyway and gave her mother a quick kiss on the cheek. "Oh, and I think I'll crash at Haze's tonight," she added quickly before running up the stairs.

* * *

Marco appeared at Paige's door about thirty-five minutes earlier than expected, one side of his hair straight and the other in frizzy waves. As soon as the blonde opened the door, Marco shoved a bag into her arms and pulled her by the shirt upstairs. "I couldn't decide. Straight or wavy?" he asked as he pulled her up the stairs. "PICK!" he screamed, reaching the bathroom. Upon further examination, Paige noticed that in the bag were an array of hair products; straighteners, crimpers and four brightly colored bottles of expensive gel. _Were all gay men like this?_ Paige wondered.

"Go for straight. You look like… a poodle or something with it wavy," she said plugging the straightener in.

"Okay, right," he said under his breath as he pulled one of the bottles of gel out of the bag. "Wait… I look like a poodle!"

Paige was silent as she tried to gather her words. "A, uh, very cute poodle?" she half-questioned, smiling. Paige left Marco in her bathroom and went into her own room and began getting ready. She turned Madonna on again, quieter than before, and opened her closet. Slipping off the sweatpants she had been wearing all day, she pulled on some jeans and threw the discarded pants into a laundry hamper. _I'm not trying to impress anyone_, Paige told herself as she pulled a dark blue hoodie over her head. She rejoined Marco in the bathroom moments later, now with three-fourths of hair straight and reached for a brush.

"You're wearing that?" he said bluntly. Paige nodded as she began brushing out a clump of hair. "Don't you want to look a little nicer?" he prodded.

"Marco, it's a house party. The people there will be either too high to notice what I'm wearing or too drunk, so what do I care?"

"Because. There will be a massive abundance of guys there, and when I say 'massive', I do mean _massive. _Half of the reason I'm going."

Paige flipped over, her long hair dangling over her head as she pulled it up into a ponytail. "What's the other reason?"

Marco halted his straightening and smiled. "Paul."

Paige laughed. "Who's Paul?"

"Paul," Marco said, continuing the straightening. "Is one of the most amazing guys you will ever come across. I met him at euchre like, months ago. And he called Ellie and I up last week and invited us."

"So why didn't you bring Ellie?"

"Ellie's not so big on parties. Not since…well, you know."

"Yeah," she said. Obviously, Marco was talking about when Sean left, although it seemed rather odd that she wouldn't go to parties _now_ because of it.

"Done," Marco said as he unplugged the straightener. "Looks good, right?"

"Of course, Marco."

* * *

Paige had never met anyone who was more of a control freak than Marco. "Paige, you're veering!" he shouted at her as she drove. "Paige!"

"Geez! Sorry for 'veering'!" she shouted back.

"Maybe you should switch lanes," he suggested.

"Marco, I do know how to drive, thank you," the blonde said as she turned up the radio to drown Marco out.

Minutes later, they pulled up to the house. Marco did one last hair check in the mirror and the two made their way into the house. Once inside, Paige was greeted by nothing unexpected. "I'm going to go talk to Paul," Marco screamed over the music as he abandoned her in the mosh of people. Paige made her way through the crowd, pushing off hands and advances, and found a lone armchair in the corner of the room. She sat, pulling a knee up to her chest and watched the party. Moments later, Marco reappeared in front of her with a guy that she assumed to be Paul. "This is Dylan's sister, Paige," Marco screamed. The guy, Paul, held out his hand to Paige and she shook it. _They break up and I still get introduced as 'Dylan's sister'…_ she thought. "Paige, we're gonna go um, get something to drink. So, I'll catch up with you later."

Paige watched as the two walked off into the crowd. Paige's intentions were to watch them to see if they actually went upstairs, but was soon unable to as they disappeared in the huddle of people.

"And I play in a band, the _Gore Whore_. You may have heard of us around town," the guy talking to Paige said. "Yeah, we got a record deal offer awhile back, but we prefer to, you know, keep it real."

"Yeah. I know," Paige said, bored out of her mind. "You know, I'm going to go get something to drink," she said rising.

"I can get it," he said, standing up with her.

"Oh. Uh, you don't have to do that." Paige gave him a small smirk as she turned her back to him. Rolling her eyes, she made her way through the crowd to the drinks. She took a cup and spooned some obviously spiked punch into a clear cup and sighed. _I can't take much more of this…_ she thought to herself. Her mind made up, she made her way upstairs to find Marco, probably in a room somewhere with Paul. "Hello? Marco, are you in there?" she yelled at a door as she knocked. A second later, the doorknob rattled and twisted as a brunette flung the door open.

"What's the password!" the girl said, giggling and pushing her dark hair out of her face. Paige's eyes went wide as she saw who the girl was.

"Alex?"

Alex immediately stopped laughing as her eyes met Paige's. "Paige! I didn't know you'd be here!" she said, moving to block out the room behind her.

"What are you…? Who are you here with?"

"Oh…uh… Some people," Alex's dark eyes scattered around the hallway, her tanned arms, wet with sweat and her chest, red and blotchy.

"Dude. Bring the stuff in…" a muffled voice said from inside the room.

"What stuff?" Paige asked, becoming suspicious. Paige pushed past her and in-took the room. Alex trailed behind her.

"Paige… I can explain."

Paige stood, mouth wide open as her eyes grazed the room. She stood still for a few moments before she turned back to Alex. "Don't. Don't even try." Paige pushed past Alex again and made her way out of the room. On her way down the stairs, she saw Marco on the dance floor, grinding with several people. She met him on the floor with the simple words, "I'm leaving. Come on."

"What? Paige—come on…" he protested.

"Marco. I'm leaving. You either come with me, or you find another ride home."

* * *

Paige sat in the car, Marco next to her, with her hands gripped tightly around the steering wheel as she stared into the darkness in front of her. "Fuck…" she whispered.

"Paige… what happened in there?"

_I wish I knew…_


	12. Vindicated

A/N: Blah. Talk about writer's block. This chapter is short, stupid and stiff, but I had to get out of this plot hole the best I could. Hopefully it won't make your eyes bleed too much.

_What happened in there?_

Who knew that such a vague question could send my mind racing so many different ways? My fingernails dug into the leather steering wheel making small indentations that I imagined were her.

"Paige," Marco said softly. I reached for the keys that I had jammed in the ignition and began to start them. Midway, I lost the effort.

"What did you… what did you mean?" I began. Marco stared at me, confused; his eyes trying to read into my words. "That Ellie isn't big on parties…"

I'd call it an epiphany, really, because had it not been for the sudden wave of thought that came over me, I would have never even guessed it. But it really would have all made since. The way Alex kept her eyes to the ground when Ellie was around… or the way she would steer clear of the both of us should we be together…

"What did you mean?" I demanded again.

"I thought you had heard about it. Almost everyone else has," Marco began. Not eager to hear how I'd been out of the loop, I shot him a glare that urged him to elaborate. "There was this party awhile back. At Alex's. Ellie went and tried to get Alex to clean the place up, and she was like, completely trashed. Somehow or other… Alex like… kisses Ellie! And then she says all this shit about Sean leaving her and… it was just harsh."

"She made out with Ellie?" I said in disbelief.

"Not like 'made out' but like… she kissed her or something. And now the school is going wild with these rumors that Alex is a lesbian that has this huge crush on Ellie. I mean, not that it matters – Ellie is perfectly beautiful and I mean, it wouldn't matter if Alex was a lesbian and it's just that…"

Having heard enough, I interrupted. "Okay. So you are telling me that Alex has a crush on Ellie?"

"I guess so… I don't know… I mean… She was pretty fucked up. High and drunk –- never a good combination.

"High! Like as in drugs?" I shrieked.

"Paige, please. She dated Jay… you can't honestly tell me that you never once suspected that Alex you know… maybe, possibly…"

I slammed my head on the steering wheel. "Arrgghhh…" So stupid… so _fucking_ stupid. I started the car and jerked it onto the road.

"Paige… do you want me to drive? I can drive – ow - you know…" Marco pleaded hitting his head on the car window.

I didn't say anything. I couldn't, really.

I dropped Marco off, much to his displeasure, as quickly as I could. "Paige… I can stay with you. You shouldn't be alone right now!" he yelled after me as I pulled out of his driveway. _Like hell I shouldn't_, I thought. It's times like these that I really feel life requires background music. Perhaps then, I'd know what to do with myself. I could go home and sulk on the bed while a slow, melodic tune plays behind me. Or, a heavy punk rock number could play and I'd know that now was the time to be vindictive. However, life provided me no background music and I blame that for the reason I ended up at Matt's house that evening.

"Paige…" he slurred as he answered the door.

"Paige, Paige, Paige! Is that all anyone can say these days?" I teased as I pushed past him. "Mmm… I see that your housekeeping skills haven't made very much of an improvement since I was last here." I threw my bag down and sat at the end of his bed leaning on my arms for support.

"Paige, I'm… I'm busy…" he pleaded.

"If you mean busy blazing up, believe me, I can tell you are. I can smell it. And that's half the reason I'm here. I'll pay you, of course…" I began as I rose from the bed. "…However you'd like…" At these words, I pulled the hoodie over my head and threw it with my purse. "God, it's hot in here…" I mused.

"Paige…" he began as he shut the door behind him.

"Would you stop saying my name like that? I'm standing here in my fucking bra for god's sake."

"You shouldn't be here," he said as he pushed his hair back from his face.

"Oh, _now_ you start being Mr. Rational. Where was this cool, collected man a few weeks ago?"

He crossed to my bag and hoodie and lifted them from the floor. "Don't pretend that we broke up because of me," he said, shoving the bag and shirt in my arms. "Don't act like I didn't beg you to stay with me or that I didn't tell you that I'd change for you!"

"Matt… I…"

"Don't lie to me because we both know that there was someone else that you cared about more than me!" he practically yelled. "I'm not fucking stupid! So don't expect me to pick up the pieces of your broken heart when they break it. If they mean that much to you, then they should be able to do it themselves."

I stood there in the silence for a few seconds, repeatedly opening and closing my mouth thinking of something to say. "Thanks," I finally settled upon. I left Matt's house, re-hoodied and completely confused about what to do about Alex. Still, I knew that he was right and that if Alex was worth it, she could fix this on her own.

At that moment, I imagined no background music, and maybe it was better that way. Who knows what it could have driven me to? Instead, I drove myself home and slept. I would worry about this tomorrow.


End file.
